I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
