Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
