if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
