from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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