i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
