you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
