glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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