There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
