we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
