I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
