We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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