I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
