I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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