Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
