i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Randomize
