think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
