Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
