Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
