so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The Olympian is in my bed
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
