i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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