pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
