I wish they made helmets for livers.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
