so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
