so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
