Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
