bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
