I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
