dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
