farters have to be the big spoon...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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