I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize