You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
