I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
