This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
