I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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