drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Randomize
