my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Randomize
