my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
