Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
