OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just want to make out with him forever
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize