well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
