Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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