One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
