Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
