Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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