he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
