I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
