You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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