first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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