just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
