the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize