Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
