can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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