Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize