I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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