I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
