***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
