I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
