You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
