at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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