I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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