break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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