omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
