someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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