The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
