He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize