there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
