Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My cat gives me a boner
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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