false alarm. still invincible.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
