I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
