life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
