Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
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