The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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