I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Enjoy the penises
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
