Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize