Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize