Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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