Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
