For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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