Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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